One sad day for this mommy

I am one of those people who can toss out just about anything. I hold little sentimental value to objects. Even if there is a emotional tie I have with something I ask myself a list of questions that I have to answer yes to in order to keep it. I live for the feeling of getting rid of clutter and giving away bags of goods that I no longer need. It makes me happy. Now with all of that said when it comes to getting rid of my babies things I feel panicked, anxious, scared, and sad. Why? This isn't me. The girl I just described to you leaves whenever I hold up a onesie and remember their little bodies fitting into it. So what do I do? I put it away to deal with those emotions later. But when Liam needed to be put into a big boy bed last week I had a mini anxiety attack while watching my husband take down the crib. This is the crib that I have spent hours leaning over rubbing, patting their backs, and giving breathing treatments. This is the crib that has been puked on, pooped on, peed on, and had its sheets changed at 3am. This is the crib that I have rocked beside while singing my babies to sleep. The thought of taking it down and never to be put up again is just down right sad. So I opted that we lower the crib mattress and take off the side rail. At least he can crawl in and out now safely and I can have a few more months to process all of this. We are moving in two months and when it gets taken down I am afraid then will be the time to get rid of. It is in bad condition so the garbage man is going to have to haul it away, *shudder*. I know this all sounds like I have some serious problems. But what can I say? I love and cherish my babies. I thoroughly enjoyed when they were teenie tiny. I could watch paint dry as long as I was holding my baby in my arms. I know that a lot of mothers are ready for their children to grow and move onto the next phase. Which believe me, the terrible twos that Liam is in right now could speed up a little bit. I just hope whenever my garage is free of all of my baby clutter that my old self will come back and will feel great about the extra space and organization. Fingers crossed.